From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite G.I. JOE team uses the latest in next-generation spy and military equipment to fight the corrupt arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious Cobra organization to prevent them from plunging the world into chaos.
It's just stupid and inept, which are not uncommon traits at the tail end of the summer movie season.
– Rene Rodriguez,
Miami Herald,
11 Aug 2009
rotten:
Sometimes, a film defies conventional narrative and artistic standards so utterly that it seems unfair to judge it by them.... Consider this a tone poem in 40 scraps of dialogue.
– Christopher Orr,
The New Republic,
11 Aug 2009
rotten:
After a first hour that plays like a bad TV show, Sommers hits his groove with an over-the-top Paris chase sequence that, in turn, leads to an underwater finale that's absurdly overproduced, momentarily diverting, and then instantly forgettable.
– Chuck Wilson,
Village Voice,
12 Aug 2009
rotten:
[Director] Sommers did the first two chaotic Mummy remakes; those play like Tender Mercies compared to this one.
– Michael Phillips,
Chicago Tribune,
14 Aug 2009
rotten:
Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity.